im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She bit a glass in half.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
