i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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