In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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