Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
