This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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