OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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