I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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