i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize