i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
