Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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