Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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