you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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