Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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