Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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