While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
