I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize