I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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