My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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