the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize