They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
