Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
