atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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