Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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