i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
