Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Slut skills are useful in every country.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
