I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
