If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
