Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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