sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
