One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
