Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
