She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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