it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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