I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
