that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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