If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
