He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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