I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think i have two assholes
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
