i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize