yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
