smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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