oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
