I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
