i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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