There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
