I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
