everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize