Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
