okay pat passed out under dana's car
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
