Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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