im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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