She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
