this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
