I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
