You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
