Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
