I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
