when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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