hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
