pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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