Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
