apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I deserve this hangover.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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