Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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