she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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