If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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