i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Randomize
