Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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