She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize