so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
