Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
