I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
