I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
