I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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