My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
God gave him joint rollers for hands
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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