Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
