Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
