i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
