So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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