3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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