Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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