No awkward lesbian experiences without me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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