i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
