my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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