You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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