Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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