and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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