You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
