She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
