I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
