I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
