guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
