Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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