we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
