i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
