I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
