I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
