But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
