There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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