I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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