i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
