Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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