So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
