Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
