You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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