i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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