I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
