Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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