First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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