Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
