i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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