hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
