Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
