we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
